Tag Archives: Dating Poems

The Man with the Mo

Beware the man with the mo, that cheeky little so and so.

He’ll take you out on a first date, surprising you with his hairy nose mate.

You’ll spend the next 4 hours drinking, laughing and interacting, despite his mouthbrow being awfully distracting.

What a lovely evening it will be, you won’t want it to end. It’ll become obvious this hairy dude is more than just a friend.

So into his pockets will go, his wallet and phone, he’ll hoist you up and carry you home.

He’ll tickle your top lip when he gives the tongue the slip. You’ll tell him watch himself, behave! But he still won’t bloody shave.

You’ll taste his drunken midnight snack – is that a Maccy D’s Big Mac?? You’ll get all fun and flirty and start to think a ‘tache could be kinda dirty…

Then you’ll get a surprising feeling, this 80s pornstar seems suddenly appealing. 

And so they grow, the feelings and the mo. You realise this man ain’t so bad; he’s just supporting his fellow bros.

– JLW, 2018

The Dating App Poem

Praise be for the dating app, I’m ready to find a handsome chap

I don’t want another Sunday night alone, it’s time to download Tinder on my phone

If I Happn to come across the one, I’ll promise more than just sexy time fun

I’ll swipe left past all the crazies, I’ll vet them all until I’ve found you baby

Fuckboys need not apply; can’t you tell I’m searching for a good wholesome guy?

I’ve had enough of your shit, I’m taking a stand, I won’t get swallowed up in your stupid dick sand

No I don’t fancy coming over to Netflix and chill, your only concern’s whether I’m on the pill

So I’ll Bumble my way through all the eligible men, just like Barbie looking for her Ken

OK Cupid it’s time to strike, aim that romantic arrow at my Magic Mike

I’ll Hinge – I mean hedge my bets on finding true love, in the words of The Weather Girls let it rain men from above

But if I have to wait for a bit that’s fine too, after all I’ve got a lifetime to spend with my boo

So in the meantime I’ll just continue to swipe until I grow tired of this dating app hype

I’ll keep on dating all the Tom, Dick and Harrys until I find the man I’m going to marry

– JLW, 2019